The White Shades

Lately I'm not sure what I'm feeling. It feels like riding a roller-coaster everyday. I don't know what should I feel, I don't know how I should react. I just... don't know. I feel like I'm losing track of my life. I'm getting out of track. Well, let's see through my past then. I was an introverted girl and so am I now. I've never been comfortable with myself enough to depend on myself rather than depending on somebody who has a close relationship with me like my best friend. That sucks, I know, not being able to depend on yourself and to you just depend on others for your moral support. I should have been the best friend I need myself. It feels like time has passed so much since I wrote my last reflection. I had been doing great actually, but not for this past 2-3 weeks. I can't recall exactly what makes me being like this. The thoughts just coming so sudden and filling my head, even they sometimes make me grasping for air so much that ...

I cant sleep tonight. I really cant sleep. Thoughts come and go throughout my mind. They’re wandering inside my little brain. My tiny brain. Inside my head. Inside my body. To keep me alive. To keep me on thinking. Never ending stuffs. Never ending thoughts to think. Never runs out of thoughts to think about. Aku sekarang ini sedang merasa cemas, takut, khawatir, in which in English is refered as anxiety. Semua perasaan ini ada triggernya. Semua perasaanku punya trigger. Semua pikiranku punya trigger. Sebelum tenggelam dalam pikiran-pikiran negatif, pasti ada sesuatu yang membuat satu pikiran negatif masuk ke kepalaku, lalu berkembang biak dengan membelah diri. Satu menjadi dua, dua menjadi empat, empat menjadi delapan, delapan menjadi enambelas, dan seterusnya. Before that, I want to tell you that I was having a bad day until. There’s a trigger, of course. I was kinda disappointed, but that’s another story. Here’s the thing I wanna write and release. I don’t wanna bear alo...