The White Shades

"I'll tell myself to be easy on myself because I'm still 19, it's okay if I haven't figured out my life fully yet." Most people, especially my age, haven't discovered their own self completely. Me neither. Including passion. People in my culture don't usually talk about passion, especially when it comes to choice of career and make a living. But for me, passion is so important to get a person going. I don't do a small research yet about passion, whether it has been popular term in the past or it's only popular for the millennials like me. Passion is somewhat happening in the world right now. People keep talking about, "What's your passion?", "My passion is on the fashion industry.", "I love youtube and game because it's my passion in life.", anything about passion. But do they really understand their passion? For me, passion is the list of things that give me the chills and excitement whenever I talk ...

I've come to a realization that all people is different. I finally embrace the difference between me and other people and come to a full understanding of the difference between people in this world. If we're about to talk about life, talk about people, talk about human existence, it's not going to end right away. The discussion may not come to a conclusion. The talk may consumes a lot of time. So many aspect in this life that can be discussed for everyone's self growth. What I've realize today is everybody is different. They have different stories to tell and we cannot judge them for their past. They're who they're today because of their past and of course we have no control over their past, even our very own past. We cannot change our past, so do they, why bother to judge other? Our past is what makes us today. It's a part of our growth and our way to find ourselves in this life. To find the reason of our existence. Like one of an influencer ever sa...

It's been a while since my last post here. Haven't been into writing anymore since I started journaling on my own, hand written. Today's topic is self-growth. I'll discover myself and write down what I've been thinking since I woke up this morning. I'm not feeling well under my own skin for the past two months. The peak is now. Last week since the day I write this is Monday. I'm not feeling like myself and I feel I'm losing myself. You might think what am I talking about, am I crazy or what, but really that's what I'm feeling. If you've ever been on my position or even have had experienced such thing, you'll understand. For you who don't understand, it feels like you're missing something inside you. It's like there's a hollow in your heart, your life, that from it, the wind keeps blowing back and forth hardly through your life until you can't feel steady even the hollow supposed to be a counter for the wind. You ...

Hi! My mid-term test has finished yesterday (yaaayy!!) and yesterday, I had a time to spend with my girls and had a time to spend with myself. What I did was giving myself a good movie to learn from. I know that movie accidentally while browsing through youtube several weeks ago but had just had a time yesterday. And that movie was VERY GOOD oh my God. This post ain't gonna be a movie review. I wanna share the lessons I learned from this movie. The movie is called "Suddenly Seventeen". It is a remake from a western movie titled "17 again." 1/3: Never lose yourself for a man. Yes, yes! This is the first lesson I learned from this movie ever since the beginning. The main female character, Liang, has been in a relationship with his boyfriend, Mao, for 10 years. She's currently 28 and Mao hasn't proposed to her yet. She was desperate. Then a magic chocolate turns her mind to her 17 self. She was very different back then in her 17. She was so lively, so...

Lately I'm not sure what I'm feeling. It feels like riding a roller-coaster everyday. I don't know what should I feel, I don't know how I should react. I just... don't know. I feel like I'm losing track of my life. I'm getting out of track. Well, let's see through my past then. I was an introverted girl and so am I now. I've never been comfortable with myself enough to depend on myself rather than depending on somebody who has a close relationship with me like my best friend. That sucks, I know, not being able to depend on yourself and to you just depend on others for your moral support. I should have been the best friend I need myself. It feels like time has passed so much since I wrote my last reflection. I had been doing great actually, but not for this past 2-3 weeks. I can't recall exactly what makes me being like this. The thoughts just coming so sudden and filling my head, even they sometimes make me grasping for air so much that ...

Kalau ditanya, sebenarnya kamu itu orang yang kayak gimana, kamu bakal jawab apa? Well, gue jujur nggak pernah ditanya, sih, tapi sedikit banyak gue tahu gue itu orang yang kayak apa. Gue sudah pernah tes minat-bakat sekaligus tes kepribadian, online, offline, free maupun berbayar. Semua hasilnya menunjukkan kalau gue memang seorang introvert. Tipe kepribadian gue menurut Myers-Birggs Type Indicator (MBTI) adalah INFP/INFJ yang artinya Introvert, iNtuituve, Feeling dan Perceiving/Judging. Kenapa gue tulis dengan garis miring di situ? Karena hasil tes gue menunjukkan kecenderungan gue sebagai INFP dan INFJ. Hasilnya hampir seimbang. Hasil tes gue menunjukkan kalau gue adalah INFJ, tapi menurut semua ciri-ciri INFP dan INFJ yang sudah gue bandingkan dengan diri sendiri, gue lebih ke INFP daripada INFJ.  Introvert. Buat kalian yang belum tahu, introvert itu adalah orang yang lebih menyukai berada dalam pikiran atau dunianya sendiri. Introvert ini memiliki pikiran dan duni...