I just turned 19 four days ago. Happy birthday to me! Before my 19th birthday came, I was happy, excited, filled with joy and anticipation of my birthday this year. And what happened on the day? I wasn't really disappointed at that day, but the day after. I was happy on the first day of my 19. And the second day, I cried my first tears already.
I remember very clearly that my best friend said to me, "It's been only two days on your 19. Why are you crying already?" She meant that I should not had cried because I deserve to be happy, especially after my special day.
I thought my day was ruined. The November 21st. I woke up late, almost late for my morning class. I didn't get enough sleep the night before and it pretty much screwed me up. I thought it should be my day. The day should be according to my plan, didn't it? Because it was my birthday. Once a year. Couldn't I have my day, even if it's just for a day?
And the sober me came up, rationalizing everything. What if I start to think I want everyday to be my day? What if I try my best to have a good day everyday? I no longer want to wait for the universe to give me "my day". Instead I wanna make my own day, every single day for the rest of my life. I wanna live according to me. I wanna have a good day everyday. I want everyday to be "my day".
Last night, I came up to a sudden realization. This whole time, I am blessed. Totally blessed. My heart was filled with total gratitude, a bloom in my heart, after almost drowning in sorrow two days before. I was grateful, so much. My life is beautiful. I have people around me that love me sincerely. It's not much I know, but at least I have them. This year I have 2 new best friends from college whom I can really rely on to give me honest opinions. Also my best friends from high school.
The most important thing I learn is to be grateful and reflecting my gratitude in my daily life. I should be thanking God, the creator of the universe, because He gave me such beautiful life, such amazing graces. I will be grateful and reflecting my gratitude in my daily life. I am grateful and I will act on my gratitude from now on. That's my mantra now.
Gratitude is a nice feeling, a nice emotion (if it's considered as one). How to express gratitude depends on the context and situations. I've been thinking for some example like in classroom situation, I can be grateful for my above-average intelligence by tutoring my friends. In the family, I can share my happiness and funny experiences I've been having so that I can bring joy into the family. Simple things that matter.
Another important thing I'll be living with is self-compassion. I love myself for who I am. I love me. And because I love me, I will respect myself as much as I respect others. People out there maybe are the same with me despite their achievement and success. I don't know their background, their real stories, their feelings, their emotions, and their struggle. I'm not the one to judge their life based on what they show on the social media. I no longer want to compare myself to other people because I am me. I'm nothing like them. I am a person, a whole person and not to be compared to others. This is what I need now.
I've been watching inspiring stories from people all around the world. People who can wear their identity with the flaws as a whole, without any covering. The flaws that society would judge as "flawed", "damaged", or else. They can do it, they have the power. They're spreading positivity. And I wanna be like one of them. I'm flawed and I'm not ashamed because that's me. They can turn their flaw into positivity, into strength, into something that shine brighter than their flaws. They deploy their creative energy into something beautiful. They do something, not just "go with the flow". They know when to do something, and when to "go with the flow". They're such inspirational people.
I want to achieve more, I want to inspire people. And the first step I take is to be grateful, also, loving myself more.
I remember very clearly that my best friend said to me, "It's been only two days on your 19. Why are you crying already?" She meant that I should not had cried because I deserve to be happy, especially after my special day.
I thought my day was ruined. The November 21st. I woke up late, almost late for my morning class. I didn't get enough sleep the night before and it pretty much screwed me up. I thought it should be my day. The day should be according to my plan, didn't it? Because it was my birthday. Once a year. Couldn't I have my day, even if it's just for a day?
And the sober me came up, rationalizing everything. What if I start to think I want everyday to be my day? What if I try my best to have a good day everyday? I no longer want to wait for the universe to give me "my day". Instead I wanna make my own day, every single day for the rest of my life. I wanna live according to me. I wanna have a good day everyday. I want everyday to be "my day".
Last night, I came up to a sudden realization. This whole time, I am blessed. Totally blessed. My heart was filled with total gratitude, a bloom in my heart, after almost drowning in sorrow two days before. I was grateful, so much. My life is beautiful. I have people around me that love me sincerely. It's not much I know, but at least I have them. This year I have 2 new best friends from college whom I can really rely on to give me honest opinions. Also my best friends from high school.
The most important thing I learn is to be grateful and reflecting my gratitude in my daily life. I should be thanking God, the creator of the universe, because He gave me such beautiful life, such amazing graces. I will be grateful and reflecting my gratitude in my daily life. I am grateful and I will act on my gratitude from now on. That's my mantra now.
Gratitude is a nice feeling, a nice emotion (if it's considered as one). How to express gratitude depends on the context and situations. I've been thinking for some example like in classroom situation, I can be grateful for my above-average intelligence by tutoring my friends. In the family, I can share my happiness and funny experiences I've been having so that I can bring joy into the family. Simple things that matter.
Another important thing I'll be living with is self-compassion. I love myself for who I am. I love me. And because I love me, I will respect myself as much as I respect others. People out there maybe are the same with me despite their achievement and success. I don't know their background, their real stories, their feelings, their emotions, and their struggle. I'm not the one to judge their life based on what they show on the social media. I no longer want to compare myself to other people because I am me. I'm nothing like them. I am a person, a whole person and not to be compared to others. This is what I need now.
I've been watching inspiring stories from people all around the world. People who can wear their identity with the flaws as a whole, without any covering. The flaws that society would judge as "flawed", "damaged", or else. They can do it, they have the power. They're spreading positivity. And I wanna be like one of them. I'm flawed and I'm not ashamed because that's me. They can turn their flaw into positivity, into strength, into something that shine brighter than their flaws. They deploy their creative energy into something beautiful. They do something, not just "go with the flow". They know when to do something, and when to "go with the flow". They're such inspirational people.
I want to achieve more, I want to inspire people. And the first step I take is to be grateful, also, loving myself more.